Addictions

I have been gone for a minute. Alot has changed since I left. I've moved, started a new job, and I've realized that I have a few addictions. Some have been there always, and some are new found entanglements, of which I seem to continue to get caught up in. I should be wary of things like this. I've always thought I was too learned to fall prey to such things but it wouldn't be an addiction unless it was addictive, right? Makes sense to me.

The first one is power. This one is fairly new to me. I think most people are addicted to the feeling of power but in the abscence of it, most just lean on thier strenths to give the illusion of power. Until now, thats what I've done. I'm a wordsmith. Always have been. In the educated world these people are educators, lecturers, clergy, and politicians. On the street they are hustlers and bullshit artists. Most oft its just one wrong turn that changes a world reknown lecturer to a street corner hustler. I've always had the ability to articulate how I feel and impose those feelings onto others. Thats power, but it's only faux power. Now it's different. Now I don't have to talk the talk. This is because my new career is one of which I now walk the walk. I hold a small number of working class individual's 8 hour life under my scrutiny. For those hours of they day they walk, act, talk, and breathe the way the company wants them to. It is my job to be the company. If its not being held up to that standard then I inflict the punishment of which a vast majority of working america loaths...The Write-Up!!! "Get right or get written up!" Thats the new creed. Thats my new power. Thats my new addiction. I need a program with some steps for this.

Another one is fights on the internet. I watch fights. Real fights, street fights, Chic fights. All are a prime source of entertainment for me. There are several websites that I find my addiction. Those url's seem to populate faster than others in my address bar on IE. I've seen and watched all sorts of brawls, one-on-ones, gang brutality, and others over the course of the last few months. I am actually part of a yahoo group and have new ones emailed to me on a daily basis. I don't know why I've found this to be so interesting except for the obvious. Everyone watches a fight if it's in front of them. I have just found a new technical way to put random fights in front of me. It may seem juvenile but hey, it's my thing. I look at it as, "Hey, I used to download and watch porn by the Gig!" I guess I'm a glutton for raw carnage in any form. This too, is a new addiction. And, for this too, I need a program with some steps for this.

Yet another new addiction is damn Starbucks. My father, was an alcoholic. As far as I knew this was only in ritual because by the time I came around I never saw him drink a thing. That never mattered though because his chant at every A.A. meeting reassured the world and himself that he and his friends recognized thier illness. There are several constants at A.A. meetings. One, is nice people. These are some of the nicest people that I had ever met in my life. Two more constants are, coffee and cigarettes. And I mean by the boatloads. And in between the fog of cigarette smoke and haze of coffee steam and breath I had, at an earlier age, developed a keen dislike for both. I hated the smell of cigarettes. I now smoke about 3/4 of a pack a day. I'm gonna quit one day. And, I had distain for the taste of coffee. But Starbucks isn't coffee. I don't even think it says the word coffee on the menu. The menu is littered with sexy sounding words. French words, like latte, mocha and expresso. Who doesn't want to be sexier? Then, if not but to only infatuate us more, they don't super size if you wan't more of something. They "add a shot". As in, "lemme get a Quad Vitti Iced White Chocolate Mochiato" (just typing it and I'm reaching for a tissue). It's bad. It's an addiction. And I for damn sure need a program with some steps for that shit.

However these addictions also signfy a different time in my life. It's a time I'm willing to embrace. A time that means I'm growing as a person. As a matter of fact, I hope to need programs with some steps for some more addictions that I plan on acquiring, including, fine wristwear, shoes(moving from Air force one's and tims to rockports and stacey adams), and clothes among others. I hope I have time to make it to all these meetings!!

Immagitatcha!!!!!